


I'll Look For You In The Stars

by hextrals



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, its based around stars by grace potter and the nocturnals, ive never really written a song fic before so i hope this isnt like. Bad, this is a song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-25 20:16:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hextrals/pseuds/hextrals
Summary: alex laments over his time with michael. it's a lil sad





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna be 2 parts. part one is happy ending. part two will be like the exact same up to a point and then sad ending.

Alex stared up at the night sky. The stars were brilliant and visible, mostly having to do with the fact that there was very little light pollution because he lived miles away from the city. A quiet sigh escaped his lips and he let his eyes fall shut.

 

“It’s been three years since you left. Sometimes I still find myself where we used to go together.” Alex whispered, twirling the beer bottle he had in hand. “Not that it really matters anymore.”

 

_ I lit a fire with the love you left behind _ _   
_ _ And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside _ _   
_ _ I followed your ashes into outer space _ _   
_ _ I can't look out the window, I can't look at this place _ __   
  


“I keep telling myself to be happy for you, you know?” He muttered, anger bubbling in his chest. “You finally got what you always wanted. You got to go  _ home _ .” The light from the fire in front of him seemed to burn brighter. “And you took every good part of me that was left with you.”

 

A cold wind chilled Alex to his core. He’d never felt more alone than the day he watched Michael leave.

 

_ I can't look at the stars _ _   
_ _ They make me wonder where you are _ _   
_ _ Stars, up on Heaven's boulevard _ _   
_ _ And if I know you at all, _ _   
_ _ I know you've gone too far _ _   
_ _ So I, I can't look at the stars _ __   
  


“Remember when we used to take your truck and drive out into the middle of the desert and just look at the stars?” A small, sad laugh fell from Alex’s lips. “Those we my favorite moments. The little things we used to do…” 

 

“You always talked about the moon. About how beautiful and bright it was. How it seemed to fill the hollow sky.. and now when I see it all I can think of is you, leaving a cavity in my chest.”

 

_ All those times we looked up at the sky _ _   
_ _ Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly _ _   
_ _ And now I'm all alone in the dark of night _ _   
_ _ The moon is shining but I can't see the light _ __   
  


Alex clenched his jaw and fought back the urge to scream. 

 

“Is this how it felt? Every time I walked away?” He said quietly, tilting back up to the sky. “I’m sorry I put you through that so many times-”

 

“If you wanted me back, that’s all you had to say, private.”

 

Alex’s head snapped toward the voice. Michael. There was no way. He stood up and he felt his heart soar.

 

The air seemed to come to a stand still. The breeze had stopped. Coyotes were no longer howling. Every cricket and bird and creature in around had seemed to stop at the sound of Michael’s voice. Alex felt frozen in time.

 

“You- this can’t be real. There’s no way this is real-” his head was spinning a mile a minute.

 

“It’s real, Alex. As I live and breathe it’s real.” Alex walked over to the other man and reached a hand out to touch his face. Michael grabbed it and pressed it against his cheek.

 

“You- you’re back.” Alex felt like his heart was leaping out of his chest.

 

“I’m back.” They stared into each other's eyes for a long time before Alex pulled Michael into his arms. Michael was stunned but quickly relaxed into his embrace. It felt so normal to Alex. Like two puzzle pieces that finally clicked perfectly into place.

 

It was like that for a moment. Just the two of them and the night sky. Until Alex spoke.

 

“Why?” He whispered, moving away from Michael.

 

“Why? What do you mean, ‘why’? Why what?” Michael asked defensively.

 

“Why are you back?” Alex was nervous. That was it.

 

“You can't seriously be asking me that question.” Michael seemed agitated. Angry even. His eyebrows were knit together and he had a determined look on his face. 

 

“I’m being serious, Guerin. I don’t get it. Leaving was everything you ever wanted and-”

 

“You know, for a military grade codebreaker you’re actively the biggest dumbass that I know.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

_ “I came back for you, Alex!” _

 

He should've known that was coming. Of all things he should've known.

 

_ Stars _ _   
_ _ Stars, they make me wonder where you are _ _   
_ _ Stars up on Heaven's boulevard _ _   
_ _ And if I know you at all, _ _   
_ _ I know you've gone too far _ _   
_ __ So I can't look at the stars

 

“You said it’s been three years here? Since I left?” Michael asked, looking Alex in the eyes. All Alex could do was nod. “It’s been thirteen for me.” 

 

Alex’s breath hitched. He had been gone for over four times as long out there as it had been here. 

 

“Did you find what you were looking for?” he asked quietly, silently afraid of what answer he may receive. Michael nodded. 

 

“Yeah. I had a family out there man. A sister. Cousins. Aunts and uncles and-” Michael paused, taking a shallow, shaky breath. “But that didn’t mean a thing if I didn’t have you.”

 

Alex felt tears prick his eyes but he pushed them back. He didn’t need to become an emotional mess now. He should wait, at least for a little while.

 

“You mean that, Guerin? You wanted a family for years and you finally had one but you gave it all up for me?” Alex was dumbfounded. None of this felt real and yet he found Michael to be nodding in front of him. “Why? Why would you give up everything you’ve ever wanted just to come back here? I don’t get it. Why me?”

 

“Seriously? Why you?” Michael sounded incredulous. “Because you saw me living out of my truck. Alone, scared, no one to take care of me and you offered me a place to stay. Because you’ve always been there for me. You’re it for me. You always have been and I love you, Alex. I’ve loved you since we were seventeen. So please, can we end the cat and mouse game?” He asked quietly, resting his forehead against Alex’s.

 

“I looked for you in the stars every night, Michael. I’ll always look for you in the stars.” 


	2. Another Take

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is almost the same story. it follows the path up until a point then forks into a sadder version of the tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the sadder version. have fun

Alex stared up at the night sky. The stars were brilliant and visible, mostly having to do with the fact that there was very little light pollution because he lived miles away from the city. A quiet sigh escaped his lips and he let his eyes fall shut.

 

“It’s been three years since you left. Sometimes I still find myself where we used to go together.” Alex whispered, twirling the beer bottle he had in hand. “Not that it really matters anymore.”

 

_ I lit a fire with the love you left behind _ _   
_ _ And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside _ _   
_ _ I followed your ashes into outer space _ _   
_ _ I can't look out the window, I can't look at this place _ __   
  


“I keep telling myself to be happy for you, you know?” He muttered, anger bubbling in his chest. “You finally got what you always wanted. You got to go  _ home _ .” The light from the fire in front of him seemed to burn brighter. “And you took every good part of me that was left with you.”

 

A cold wind chilled Alex to his core. He’d never felt more alone than the day he watched Michael leave.

 

_ I can't look at the stars _ _   
_ _ They make me wonder where you are _ _   
_ _ Stars, up on Heaven's boulevard _ _   
_ _ And if I know you at all, _ _   
_ _ I know you've gone too far _ _   
_ _ So I, I can't look at the stars _ __   
  


“Remember when we used to take your truck and drive out into the middle of the desert and just look at the stars?” A small, sad laugh fell from Alex’s lips. “Those we my favorite moments. The little things we used to do…” 

 

“You always talked about the moon. About how beautiful and bright it was. How it seemed to fill the hollow sky.. and now when I see it all I can think of is you, leaving a cavity in my chest.”

 

_ All those times we looked up at the sky _ _   
_ _ Looking out so far, we felt like we could fly _ _   
_ _ And now I'm all alone in the dark of night _ _   
_ _ The moon is shining but I can't see the light _ __   
  


Alex clenched his jaw and fought back the urge to scream. 

 

“Is this how it felt? Every time I walked away?” He said quietly, tilting back up to the sky. “I’m sorry I put you through that so many times-”

 

Alex cut himself off. The more he thought of Michael the worse he would feel yet for some reason he couldn’t stop.

 

“I miss you more than words. I wish you were here.” He said quietly. “When Max told me you were gone. Truly gone I didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt… lost.” 

 

The moon seemed less bright without him. The stars too. Nothing felt as real, as solid. Alex sighed.

 

“Maria keeps telling me to put myself back out there. To find someone new but… I’m still holding on hope that maybe one day you’ll come back for me.” he let out a wry laugh. He felt like a dumb kid wishing on shooting stars. Alex found himself staring directly into the roaring flames in front of him.

 

“I don’t know how to love anyone else, Guerin. I don’t know how to be  _ in love _ with anyone else. You were the first person I ever loved. You’ll probably be the last and I know it’s selfish of me to do this but I don’t even care. You’re it for me and I’ll never be over you. You were the first person that showed me real love. Real, passionate,  _ cosmic _ love.”

 

The fire crackled with intensity and Alex didn’t flinch, he just sat there staring into the brilliance before him. 

 

“I’m lost when you’re found. You set out and finally found the family you’ve always deserved and I’m here, completely and utterly lost without you,” Alex chuckled to himself. “God I sound like a lovesick kid… but I guess that isn’t all that far off.”

 

Alex checked his watch and then leaned back in his chair. He hadn’t picked this night and this place by pure happenstance. There was a meteor shower tonight. Much like the one he and Michael had watched on one of their first outings.

  
As he gazed upward at the sky he saw the first meteor shoot past and he found himself fighting back a tear.    
  
“I’ll look for you in the stars, Michael. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoorah it only took me three days

**Author's Note:**

> this ended up being not quite what i wanted it to but honestly idec. it's still cute.


End file.
